OtakuGrrl's Blog

This bread could be my body.

2005-10-19T12:46:00.000+02:00

Tidying up at home is fun-fun. My place is starting to look nice again, and that makes me happy :)

Found some old letters Anna sent me while she was living in Greece. It's been a while... I don't really remember what it stands in them letters, but I don't have the courage to look, not today.
It's been three months.

Work in two hours, aww. I don't feel like it, I want to stay at home and do stuff instead; cooking, reading, tidying up, take a looooong bath... Stuff like that :P
But, as usual: I need the money.
...yesterday I thought I was ill again. I felt faint and dizzy, and all ...pukey (?). But, food made me feel better and then we played rpg for four hours and that totally rocks. My wee elf warrior is good at fighting, and now even better :) We lvl'd! :D (we also lol'd a whole lot, bwaha).

Okay, back to the raft.

Don't fade away.

2005-10-18T14:08:00.000+02:00

I could never even try to understand how much it would hurt me if I lost one of my siblings. It just didn't exist in my world that one of them could die, that one day I had to be told by my shaking father that my sister had died, and that my legs would go numb. I still can't understand it. I just can't understand that she is gone, forever, and that I will never ever be able to talk to her again.
I have so much to tell her. I have so much to share. I have so many things I want to tell her, so much I want to let her know. I want her advice, her laughter, her love. Her unending love. I could even put up with her bitching all the time, her nagging, her moping around and her being rude to me. I could put up with whatever. I just can't take THIS. This neverending silence, this pain that throws me into crying myself to sleep every now and then.
Yesterday I read through the whole manga called Mars, borrowed from Elenaria. And... a major part of the plot was a brother that had killed himself, and all of their talking about that and all that passed between now and then all the time, it just made me think to much of HER. Of my sister. Of Anna.
Near the end the male character is forced to chose between his dead brother and his living bride, and ...that choice... it shocked me. It slapped me in the face, and I really felt I could put myself in his situation. And I think that's what finally made me cry, cry so hard I almost must have awoken my neighbor. And when I finally got hold of myself, and lay down and tried to get some sleep, I started crying again, but calmer this time. And that's how I feel asleep last night, with tears streaming down my cheeks. And when I awoke this morning, after four hours of sleep, I was swollen and so utterly tired, and I still felt like crying. I feel like crying now, too, writing all of this down. But ...what good would my tears do? They don't bring her back, nothing can.

I just so fucking hard want to talk to her. If only for fifteen minutes, if only for a minute. I just want to let her know how much I love her, and that I will never stop loving her, and how aching much I miss her. How not a day passes by without me thinking of her, without me wishing that this is nothing but a very long and detailed nightmare.
I love her so much. And I can't do anything but hope that she knew that.
She loved me. I know that. When me and my mother went up to tidy up her apartment and take her stuff with us, we found a picture of me as a baby at her night stand, and ...that broke my heart.
I've been angry at her for so many times, I've been avoiding to talk to her because of her constant mood swings, I've said some bad things about her every now and then, and ...all this time ...all along ...she loved me.

I'm crying now.
People say I could talk to them about all these thing I say I want to talk to my sister about, but ...it's not the same, it could never be the same. I can't even talk to my brothers about that, and I don't know if it's because she's female or because she's older, or if it's both of above that matters so hard, but that doesn't matter - I will never have her to hang on to again. I will never be able to talk about my big sister about all those things you can only talk to an older sister about, and that hurts so bad, it really does.
It's so definitive. It really is a dead end, she will never return. She hasn't gone abroad, she hasn't gone hiding, she isn't mad at me and refuse to answer if I will call her, she's just gone, and that's the worst thing.

I know I am nagging about this, repeating myself, beating a dead cow, but ...this is really bothering me, saddening me, dragging me down.
Most of all, I'm so utterly afraid that I will awake one morning, and have forgotten how she sounded, how she laughed, how she acted. I don't want to ever lose her, lose sight of her. If I hang on to her, perhaps that will never happen. If I can try to have the memory of her alive in my head, she will never fade away.

And I can't stop thinking that I hope she had sweet dreams that last rest of her. That she smiled softly at something in her dream, that she was happy. That she knew how loved she is, and always will be.

Don't fade away
My brown-eyed girl
Come walk with me
I'll fill your heart with joy
And we'll dance through our isolation
Seeking solace in the wisdom we bestow
Turning thoughts to the here and everafter
Consuming fears in our fiery halos
Say what you mean
Mean what you say
I've heard that innocence
Has led us all astray
But don't let them make you and break you
The world is filled with their broken empty Dreams
Silence is their only virtue
Locked away inside their silent screams
But for now
Let us dance away
This starry night
Filled with the glow of fiery stars
And with the dawn
Our sun will rise
Bringing a symphony of bird cries
Don't bring me down now
Let me stay here for awhile
You know life's too short
Let me bathe here in your smile
I'm transcending
The fall from the garden
Goodnight

I am the mask you wear.

2005-10-16T22:49:00.000+02:00

Tomorrow I will try and tidy up my home a bit. At least the living room... And then, perhaps, I can spend the night watching The Phantom of the Opera. Ooh. I would love that :)
My mom is going to buy me groceries tomorrow. That's so kind of her think I've left in my attic, but I'm not sure. Either way, I have to work at Halloween, so I can't party :'( My plan is to have some kind of party the coming weekend, though. I want to dress up and be all scary and stuff. >:P
"Rawrrr, give me candy or die!"

I have to lay off my obsessions, lol.
Aww. I want to watch The Phantom NOW. Perhaps I'll do. We'll see...

"You say Put it on, I say Pyuuut it oooon."

The monster in my tummy.

2005-10-16T00:53:00.000+02:00

There is something wrong in my tummy, but I have no idea what it is. Sometimes, pretty often, I just ...cramp, kind of. It hurts, it aches, it pains me, and I don't know why. It's like a clenched fist in there, and every now and then it hits me in my right side of the tummy, just below the ribs. Anyone have a clue what it might be? It's been like this for two days now, and it really bothers me. Especially when I lie down, because I can't put myself in any other position to make it go away - it hurts whatever I do.

Today I slept most of the time, but I played WoW from 1 pm 'til 6 pm, then I went to bed and slept 'til 10 pm when I got up again. And now it's once again time for bed. Grr. It's days like these I really wish I lived with someone. It's such a bore, just lying in bed, trying to sleep. And playing WoW before going to feverish sleep might not be the best of ideas - I dreamt some strange things that was set in the area outside of Undercity. Eh? It was some kind of military scenario, and I really don't understad. It was some kind of swamp, setted in the area I just mentioned, and there were bridges every where. Me, my brother and some creepy old man who followed us from the subway was walking over them bridges to get home - I think the old man was some kind of assassion who were to kill my brother and my father if we didn't join him - and then, all of a sudden, we went past some kind of military training grounds, just when they were about to fire. So, we were in the target area of 5400 shots, but we all survived. Then some military officer came running to check if we were OK, and he also said we were lucky they hadn't fired their fireworks, too. He also said we could brag about surviving next time we went in to town (Stockholm) and then he smiled and ran off.
And then my alarm clock awoke me.

And now... Bedtime. Again.

My crawling flesh tickles.

2005-10-14T23:43:00.000+02:00

I texted my boss and told him I was ill, so I don't have to work tomorrow. Yay! Then perhaps I will be fully recovered 'til sunday, which would be nice because I need my salary. Halloween is coming, and I'd love to make myself a nice costume. Got some meters of vinyl at my attic, so I was thinking of creating something skintight and nice. That would pwn so hard! ^_^
Just need go buy patterns, and to make time for sewing, I think. We'll se about that. Depending on what my plans for next weekend (my FREE weekend!) will turn out to be, perhaps I could ask Amanda to sew with me... Well, I have to wait and see.

Oh, by the way, the lyrics beneath this post is the lyrics to one of the cuuuuute songs on the Doo Wop Halloween-cd I downloaded the other day! If I can talk myself into it, perhaps I'll share another of the lyrics with you. I can't find them on the net, so I have to listen to the song over and over again to write them down, and I'm not to fond of that...

Bedtime now. Nightie-night.

My baby likes scary movies.

2005-10-14T23:10:00.000+02:00

I'd love to take my baby to a movie show
So I can try and kiss her when the lights are low
But she won't cuddle to a story of romance
There's only one way I got a chance

It takes to Batman, Wolfman, Frankenstein or Dracula
to put her in the mood for love
it takes Catgirl, or aliens or creatures from the black lagoon
to make her feel like making lo-oh-ove

If Jack the Ripper attacks a girl
or a Madman tries to destroy the world
She get's romantic, it's really plain to see
When all the other women starts to faint
That's when she's loving, loving me
That's when she's loving me

She doesn't go kissing in the lover's lane
But lots of moonlight drives this girl insane
She thinks dreamy music is a bore
But I found out what she is looking for

It takes a monster from outer space
or devils screaming in her face
To make my baby goo and hot
It takes a zombie, Rodan, King-Kong or a dinosaur
To make my baby go for lo-oh-ove

It takes to Batman, Wolfman, Frankenstein or Dracula
To make her tender as can be
it takes catgirl, or aliens or creatures from the black lagoon
To make her feel like making lo-oh-ve

Vem vill bli älskad av mig?

2005-10-14T15:27:00.000+02:00

I feel somewhat ill, which really isn't good. I can only get free from work tomorrow if I'm REALLY ill, otherwise I'll have to work anyway, and that sucks big time.
The thing is, I am kind of afraid of my boss when it comes to report sickness. He always get so mad, and ...it's not my fault, but I always feel so fawking guilty when getting ill!
I had some fever last thursday, and tried to report myself ill so I could stay home, but he made me work anyhow. (I only had to work for three hours instead of seven, but hey!)

I have to work 20 hours this weekend. I really don't want to, I feel so stunned since yesterday and the day before that. Much to do at work...

Well, I'll try not to get to stressed up. I'll wait 'til tonight and then perhaps I can call in sick if I have to.
Wish me luck, okies?

Love is strange.

2005-10-13T14:28:00.000+02:00

My mom called and we LOL'd a bit. Fun-fun!
And. ...still no mail. It's getting on my nerves! Everything depends on what they'll answer, so why can't the be a wee bit quicker? Grrr!

Hopefully my workingday will pass by quickly, so I can check for emails when I come home again.
Got to ski-dapple any minute now, just wanted to whine a bit :P

She walks barefoot through the meadows, early in the morning every day.

2005-10-13T11:29:00.000+02:00

Stayed a bit longer in bed today, which felt good. I like this, being able to sleep as much as I want; No nagging mother trying to get me up earlier than I feel like...

It WILL be a stressful day at work today, but I still feel kind of confident when it comes to that. I haven't decided whether I will take the cashier and put Grency in the kitchen, or take the kitchen myself, I'll have to talk with him about that at work later.
My body aches :/ That's not too good; Tomorrow will be a soft day, but I don't really like that I have to work for 20hrs this weekend. Sunday is OK, Grency will take care of the pizzamaking so I can relax, but ...saturday?
Don't stress, don't bother to stress. Take it easy. Yay. ^_^

I have to make some payments today.

Venomous and vile.

2005-10-12T22:53:00.000+02:00

...Pablo bit me in my arm and said "I want to eat you!"
Help? He's not the first one, you know. I seem to take out some kind of cannibalism from my surrounding, and I don't even know what it is about me that makes people want to chew me all up and spit out my bones.

Chaos at work, but ...somehow... I can't help thinking "just nine more months, just nine more months" and that mantra makes it all endurable. It's like: "Hey, I'm in hell! But ...in nine months I will be doing something totally different so I don't care!", and believe me: It really helps, thinking like that! That's how much I want to flee to the States for a while, abandon Sweden and the Swedish Ways of Doing Things and Saying Things. I have no idea how well I will get on, living in USA, but ...I need my adventure, I really do.
BUT: Still no answer from the school. It makes me so nervous, and it makes me totally believe they won't let me take the test anywhere else than in USA. In that case... Well... I don't know. I could to some checking around to see what it would cost me to fly to the states for a few days, and if I can somehow manage the cost perhaps that's what I'll do. Otherwise, it's bye-bye dreaming, hello boredom. (Unless I find some other course to take instead, or get a job as au-pair or something. We'll see...)

The easiest way of surviving life and all of it's surprises is to just take one step at a time. Walk fast, if that's what you want, but always keep ONE foot on the ground. That way you won't fall on your face that easily...

And, remember kids: Dressing up like Hitler in school is not cool!

Kitten kisses.

2005-10-12T13:54:00.000+02:00

Listening to Tomas di Leva and just ...thinking. I'm kinda stressed up before todays work, but I don't think it'll be so bad. And... the rest of the week... I don't think I have to stress myself up like this, really. But ...I do. Time after time.
I'll have to talk to Kjell about sunday, though, because there is no chance in hell we'll be able to manage anything at what it looks like right now. Sorry, no can do.

Trying to find some more educations in case of a big NO-NO from MI, but it's not as easy as I though. Colleges cost bazillions of dollars, universities even more, and then I don't really know what's left... I'm not too good at knowing stuff about school :p Since I graduated two years ago and started working I haven't even played with the thought of going back to school, so I am really a n00b at this. If anyone's reading this and have some good advice - don't hesitate to comment this post or mail me, okies?

Must control, I must control the evil demons!

2005-10-12T01:12:00.000+02:00

...and I really, really love The Phantom of the Opera. The original book, Pratchetts version of it, the tv series, the movies, the musical, the music... The musical as film. It's wonderful, just marvellous! All the actors are perfect, the settings, the clothing... And it makes me go almost dizzy just by watching it, dreaming it, being it...
That was the psych-out of today :p

We've been playing RPG for four hours - fun, and needed!
I also spent some hours making almost all of my diary posts at helgon.net private, because I don't want my diary to be public anymore, and I really don't want to erase them all. So... I've got ~200 posts left to hide. Ack! My arms and fingers hurt from all the clicking and mouse-moving.

...still no answer from MI. Gosh! I wanna, I wanna! Gimme?

Got to sleep soon. I'm getting mighty tired, and tomorrow I'll try to tidy up my home a bit...

Remember kids: Dressing up like Hitler in school isn't cool.

2005-10-11T14:27:00.000+02:00

[Boromir] says: giev ring plx
You have requested to trade with Frodo.
[Frodo] says: no
Trade cancelled.
You have requested to trade with Frodo.
Trade cancelled.
You have requested to duel with Frodo.
Duel cancelled.
Frodo passes under the influence of The One Ring.
You are too far away!
You are too far away!
[Party] [Boromir]: omg frodo has gone away
[Party] [Aragorn]: ok lets look for him
[Party] [Merry]: frodo where r u
Orc Warrior hits you for 100.
Orc Warrior hits you for 150.
Orc Warrior hits you for 100.
Orc Warrior hits you for 150.
Orc Warrior hits you for 100.
Orc Warrior hits you for 150.
Orc Warrior hits you for 100.
Orc Warrior hits you for 150.
Orc Warrior hits you for 100.
Orc Warrior hits you for 150.
Orc Warrior hits you for 100.
Orc Warrior hits you for 150.
Orc Warrior hits you for 100.
Orc Warrior hits you for 150.
You are dead
Frodo has left the party.
Sam has left the party

LOL. WoW goes LOTR :)

Okay. Fun-fun.

I'm a bit ...dunno... restless today. I really want to have my email answered, but it is night in USA so I can't get any answer 'til tonight, at the earliest. It's like... Well... Everything depends on what the answer is: If they can't let me do the test in Sweden I can't apply to that school, because I really don't have the money needed to go to California for a test that takes 15 minutes.
Also, I'm nervous about the test. And... I don't think I'll pass. :-/

As the clouds pass by.

2005-10-10T15:39:00.000+02:00

Home again. I won the auction, so now I have to ask mom for my money. Then I will have a pair of very nice jeans, yay!
My meetings went well, I got help from one of our customers while at CSN (he works there) and the lady at the bank was very kind and nice. (It seems that my Maestro Card has been somewhat broken, so she cut it ahalf and ordered a new one for me.)

Just sent a mail to MI, asking them about the SLE I have to take. Really, if it is a demand that I take it at MI and nowhere else, there is no way I can manage it. I don't have that kind of money, and if I had I'm not to sure I would want to spend it on something that takes 15 minutes...
Hopefully I'll get my answer soon, I can't wait! I feel like I'm sitting on needles and pins, I'm excited about it all! It surely is an adventure...

I just go "Purrrrr".

2005-10-10T12:19:00.000+02:00

I feel totally Bettielicious. I think turning black was a good idea, all of a sudden all of my clothing match my hairdo better than before, and that does wonders to my self-esteem.

Starting tomorrow, I will be working for eleven days. Eleven days in a row! That sucks big time. I think I'll ask Grency to work for me next monday - the weekend will be tough so I will really need some good rest for a day. Putting me up to work a monday... blasted pricks.

Anyhow, any minute now I'm off to the CSN office to ask them my thousand questions - hopefully they'll be able to answer them too. ...or at least point me in the right direction. I also have to check to see if my Maestro Card works, in that case I'll be able to buy me some food. Otherwise I'll have to ask my mom to give me the money she stores for me - perhaps I'll need them anyway, I've bidden on a pair of cute pinup jeans at Tradera, and will know in 2 hours+ if I won or not.

Got to go.
OKY BIBUY.

Don't want your kisses, that's for sure.

2005-10-09T23:25:00.000+02:00

Woke up at ten o'clock, feeling slightly hung-over and fell asleep again. Set the buzzer on eleven thirty, but woke up, thought "What the heck!" and fell asleep again. At ten to three I got up, got dressed and sank down by my computer.
Thought for a while, and then sudden my hair turned black. Oops. :P
So, now I'm a true rockabilly kitten with hair as black as midnight. Also, I downloaded like the cutest album ever - Doo Wop Halloween. Totally adorable, really set me in the mood.

At half past nine I fell a sudden urge to go buy some sweets, but since I only had a robe on me, and didn't feel like getting dressed again, I just put on a skirt and a jacket and ran off. Don't think anyone noticed my state of undressness, either way - no one said a word. Hoho. While at it, I noticed that I look totally geisha-sweet wearing my robe to that skirt, since I had my hair in a bun, and wore my make-up as little wings by my eyes.

Tomorrow, I will skip and jump over to CSN, to ask them a thousand questions about everything that has anything to do with my American Dream. (California Dreamin', ya know)
Then I have to talk to the bank, and to a estate agent. Mom said that the estate agent takes app. 5-6% in fee for selling off my sweet li'l home, but I'd better ask for myself.
Mom also said I should use the one she and dad's using for selling off our old home, but ...well... I looked at an apartment he was showing off last fall, and he kinda hit on me. Don't know if I want to go to one-on-one meetings with him, haha. :P

There is a strange kind of feeling in my tummy. It's like... dunno. Don't kiss and tell, kind of.
Perhaps some things are better off unsaid? Don't know if I ruined anything by telling, but one thing's for sure: I don't think I'll ever know.
Anyhoo: Dreaming of spending the next Halloween in USA! Oh, it would be so cool!

My flesh tickles.

2005-10-08T17:54:00.000+02:00

Seriousely. For the moment, I just feel like dying. I've been awake for 11 hours, working eight and then played team vs. team bowling. My bowling skillz sucks, and it's even worse now that I'm nearly dead. Argh. I haven't even had enough time to eat! I ate half of a pizza, and that's it. Try to bowl while in that position, will ya?

I'm going to take a shower now, and then go buy something to eat. The evening will be spent over at Eric, we're going to watch Mst3k - Puma Man and party a bit. I'm looking forward to it. Tomorrow and the day after that I'm free from work, which is splendid. Got some stuff I have to do, and then just ...relax. Get some rest, perhaps play a little with my camera and ...dunno. Play some WoW? Oh.

Also, I have to talk to CSN monday, and when knowing what to do, I have to talk to the bank and the estate agent. (about selling my apartment, and what the tax-boom will be. Grr. Taxes. :( )

So. I'm off - heading for my shower!

Crawl straight home.

2005-10-07T11:49:00.000+02:00

Just got up. Dreamt something weird... Some kind of futuristic dream, I'm not too sure. I knew how to drive, heh... We were me and some of my friends, and we were some kind of super thieves, so we were at it trying to steal the worlds best chocolate. Me and Leo got caught trying to get to Huddinge or Uddevalla, not to sure, while we were trying to sneak us behind the enemy borders. It was an amusing, yet disturbing, dream. As usual.

I'll be working in the bar tonight, which means I'll quit between 2300 and 0100. And, um, according to Tova I'm meant to begin at seven tomorrow. Uh... Shouldn't anyone, like Kjell, tell me about it? "Hey, btw! We were thinking, and you really don't need more than five hours of sleep, right?!" Yay, good thinking!

I found an education I find interesting. Now I have to sit down, think it through a thousand times and then maybe do something about it. I AM very impulsive, and I don't want to do anything I might regret later. Better be safe than sorry, right?

Bitchin' in the kitchen.

2005-10-06T20:20:00.000+02:00

a pool of red blood.
her lover says "I stabbed her,
but she died smiling"

Home again. I feel really feverish, din't like the fact that I had to work tho I said I have a fever coming. Hopefully I'll still be able to work tomorrow, it will be harder to say I'm ill after been able to work for today. (even though I've been dizzy and all...)

Chatted for a while with my brother earlier too. That was my first task at work: "Hey, chat with your brother!", lol. He's on his way home, he's landing in Stockholm tomorrow morning. Good. I miss that li'l fella, and I could use his opinion on some things...

Back to the raft.

2005-10-06T12:45:00.000+02:00

For the moment - I will take up my writing here again. I try to escape the one I am, and while doing that I also will try to abandon Helgon.net, if just for a few days. Just to ...dunno... be with ME as much as possible. Try to make out what it is I want, and how I can get it.
Probably, it will be mostly whining and nagging and spamming here, but I don't force anyone to read. (also, I am sorry about my bad english :/)

Stayed up almost all night and cried. I really don't feel well. I loathe the way I get up every morning, get to work and then walk home again. Spending all my free time by the computer, and always these silly routines. I always pick out a coke from my refridgerator, always listen to the same music, always log in at Helgon.net, always the same! And I HATE it, truly I do. I need changes, I need something to think about. And now ...I don't know. Perhaps this is a bad idea, but that will show in time.
For the moment I feel newborn. And then I mean by intellect. I don't KNOW anything. I have no education, no skills, no talents. I don't do sports, I don't sing anymore, I stopped playing the guitar, I never returned to writing, I just ...evaded.

When I was younger, I had so many dreams. Sure, some of them were crazy and impossible to live out, but... I had them. I had goals. I had things I burned for, things I could make up plans about and try to reach. And now... I've stagnated. I just give and give, and it makes me feel so... dunno. Lame?

So. I will spend this day and some of the coming days to try to make up some plans. Try to find out something to do, and ways of making them come true. I want to reach out and grab a few dreams.

For the moment: Being au pair in the US, take a drivers licence, sell the apartment or hire it out...

Don't phunk with my heart.

2005-08-15T17:05:00.000+02:00

I get really bored while online. No one to talk to, and helgon still don't work. It's pissing me off. I've got some stuff to do at home, but I really don't feel like it, so that'll have to wait.
Most of all, I feel like shopping. But hey, guess how much money I've got? 6 SEK! That's soooo lame. Really.

I'm onto defrosting som chicken; thought I should eat some chicken and strips tonight :) Like we say in sweden: Man tager vad man haver. And my mom filled my freezer some weeks ago, which I had totally forgotten. I can hardly wait 'til it's time to eat :) Mm, chicken.

Back to work, today. Felt good - it was something to do besides sitting by my computer!
Feel like swimming today, but on the other hand - I don't feel like it :p
Hard to understand, me? Naaah. Not really ;)

It's kill or be killed.

2005-08-14T22:19:00.000+02:00

Happy happy joy joy is finding 40 SEK hidden in the kitchen. That means I was able to buy milk and ham and to create some scrambled eggs for dinner, hooray!
Yet, I'm hungry again. I've got nothing to eat, and no money to buy food for. (and I've got total angst thinking of my salary this month: I don't think it's enough to pay the rent, less to buy food or DO ANYTHING. I suck bigtime at living by myself :( )

Did some updating in my online gallery today; Played dress-up as a princess and took some weird photos. Behold! The Nightmare! --> www.mirick.se/vidunder <-- (err, there's also some pictures of me in corset and thigh-highs, but I like them princess ones better!)

And still... I'm happy, but I don't know how to feel :p
I want to just ...scream out my feelings, letting everyone know, but then again: some things are better left unsaid. For the moment. I don't like revealing myself to much, I want to be mysterious about some things. But, it's not like I don't tell ANYONE, just that I don't tell EVERYONE.

Helgon.net is down. Fuck them guys, it just keeps struggling and struggling. I want to log in! Write my diary, answer my msg's and ...I don't know, just BE THERE. But noooo, why work when we can be disabled? Blasted.
And you all know it: Hi, my name's Carina and I'm addicted to internet, and especially Helgon.net. (Hi Carina!)

In a land far, far away...

2005-08-13T22:01:00.000+02:00

I've got my reasons. I most certainly do.
Almost a month ago my older sister, Anna, passed away while sleeping. So, I haven't exactly been motivated enough to write anything, not while keeping to blogs (one in swedish, at helgon.net) Sorry.
It's been very hard to cope with, and I still really don't get it. It's been the Medieval Times Week here on my island, and I just can't wait to call my sister and gossip about all the things I've been a part of ...and then I somehow realize that I can never, not ever, talk to her again. Never hear her voice (and it frightens me, trying to keep the memory of her voice intact, not forgetting her, not letting her go), never hear her laughter, never feel the warmth of her sunny embraces. I'm sorry, but I will most certainly nag about her for a looong while now. She is a part of me, a part I will never let go. Anna, I love you, now and forever. (and I miss you more than words can tell, I miss you so much it hurts.) (...and it hurts more than I want to understand, so it leaves me numb.)

Other than that...
Two weeks vacation. I really needed it; I've got so much on my mind that I really haven't felt like working, being nice. I've been away for a while, visiting friends in Sweden. Drifting off...

It's been a nice week. I've spended some time with friends, and felt embraced by ...friendship.
And, oh, Amanda is back home! It feels good, finally having her back. I've missed her.

(and I've been out adventuring a bit this week, tee hee. ...but, um, some things are better off non-said, right?)

Take her, rape her - sex by force!

2005-07-14T14:46:00.000+02:00

Yay! My boss just called and told me I don't need to work my two hours today. Jolly! Then I'll have plenty of time to do the make-up and my hairdo. I just hope that the top I'm going to wear will act pleasantely today; It has some kind of fix idea to reveal to much of my breasts every now and then.

'tis a good thing, having the right contacts. With help from my darling friend Nadine I'll be able to get hold of teh cutest stockings! Must remember to send her Sims 2 too... I never take time to play it, and she does, so ...gift! ^_^

Listening to great music and totally enjoying myself. Like the parody me and my brother acted; "My day off!". (err... You've got to be there to understand :p) (...or at least know my brother :P)

I'll build my own theme park! With Black Jack and hookers! ...in fact, forget the park!

2005-07-13T19:20:00.000+02:00

My arm is burning. Stupid sun. My left arm is red and sore, and I don't want it to be that way. Argh.

Okay, anyhoo; With some help from my dear friend Viktor (57451) it looks like I'm buying an old female stasi uniform. Hey! So, when I'm clubbing in two weeks, I'll be uniformed and pwetty. (accessorized with vintage curls, vintage stockings, a girdle and vintage hiheels, of course!)

Yay ^_^

I'll laugh when you die.

2005-07-13T15:15:00.000+02:00

Eh. Sorry for not writing here in ages. I've just not felt ...motivated. But, after being nagged at for a while (people actually seem to WANT to read my blogs in english, even though my english suxxxors) I'm trying to do this again.
So. Um. Yesterday I had a party with Eric and Leo. We watched a sucky movie (The Sword and the Sorcerer), played silly games (Category Sportsmen; Ben Affleck?!) and had deep discussions 'til early morning. Then I slept for four hours, and went to the beach with my mother and brother. After we had lunch, me and my brother fell asleep, and now I've slept for another two hours. Also got burned on my left shoulder, ouchies :(

Trying hard to find out what kind of outfit to bring when I go to Helsingborg in the end of the month. We're going to a party with dress-code, so it must be some kind of fetish. Well... I'd like to wear my cat suit, but it's so hawt. (yah, I mean that both ways :p)
Other options are some kind of pin-up outfit, lolita-outfit or school uniform.

I hate every bone in your body but mine.

2005-06-21T14:19:00.000+02:00

Allright-o, I know I've been bad not updating recently. But, it's like this: I work from 8am-2pm, and then I've got a few hours to be absolutely free (mostly, I watch DH at that time) and after 6pm, WE ARE BUILDING THE BIGGEST TENT EVER. And I have to go to bed att 11pm to be able to get up at 7.30am. So... No time to blog. Except now, whilst I feel I have to come up with some kind of explanation. (like you even care :p)

I will be busy all week long; Tent-building, visit from sthlm, Midsummer, work and then, at monday, I'm of for a LARP, and I won't be home again 'til next tuesday. So, uh, don't expect any updates in two weeks, ok?

(fawk english, it's not my language today..)

You make me feel so damn unpretty.

2005-06-18T21:53:00.000+02:00

There's 52 ways to murder anyone
One or two are the same,
And they both work as well
I'm coming clean for Amy,
Julie doesn't scream as well
And the cops won't listen all night

And so maybe, maybe
I'll be over
Just as soon as I fill them all in
And I can remember when I saw her last
We were running all around and having a blast
But the back seat of the drive-in
Is so lonely without you
I know when you're home

I was thinking about you,
There was was something I forgot to say
I was crying on a Saturday night
I was out cruising without you,
They were playing our song
Crying on Saturday night

As the moon becomes the night time
You go viciously, quietly away
I'm sitting in the bedroom,
Where we used to sit and smoke cigarettes
Now I'm watching, watching you die

I can remember when I saw her last
We were running all around and having a blast
But the back seat of the drive-in
Is so lonely without you
I know when you're home

I was thinking about you,
There was was something I forgot to say
I was crying on a Saturday night
I was out cruising without you,
They were playing our song
Crying on Saturday night

Yah. It's saturday night, I'm tired and lonely but I'll have to wait for a few more hours before I turn in; otherwise I will wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep more. (yeah, I KNOW I've got this reverse-insomnia-thingie going on, but I slept three hours in the afternoon, and that disturbs my nighttime sleep)

I've lost weight. I'm 3 kg's down now, 57 kg. Why is that, I wonder?
I've got some plans about that, but I just wrote about them in swedish at helgon, so I really don't feel like repeating them in english. Sowwy.

I've got a mark at my left cheek. About as large as an En-krona, and light red. It's warm and it burns a bit, and I really have NO clue at all about what it can be. I noticed it yesterday evening when I got back from work, and I'm really curious about what it might be. Eric guessed it could be a sexually transmitted disease, but I SERIOUSELY doubt that, haha. Anyhooo... If anyone got any idea of what it might be, don't hesitate to tell me.

I'm hungry, even though I ate an hour ago. What's wrong with me?

Curse ye, ye scurvy searats!

2005-06-18T13:35:00.000+02:00

My hair is a mess. I hate it. But, I bought some kind of conditioner I put in it, and I'll let it stay there for some hours. Perhaps it can do something for the damage; soften it up or something.

Had the weirdest dream... It was cute, but I woke up with a "What the fawk?!" ringing through my ears. Uh, my dreams are not normal, heh. Suddenly I kinda understand why some people call me freak when I share my dreams. But, like I said; cute. And I will share it with the right person, the one involved. So there, you others can ...mind your business :p

I'm told I'll be able to watch Desperate Housewives ep. 15 in three hours; Luvly! I really hope it's true - my computer likes lying to me. It's kind of sadistic, when I think about it.

Oh, and by the way: STOP THINKING I WANT TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIENDS! I've had it up to here to have to defend myself all the time. NO, I'm not flirting with them. NO, they're not flirting with me. NO, I don't want them. I know how to differ "lovers" from "friends", even though you don't seem to know it yourselves. Really. Had I wanted to steal guys, I'd been at it already. But you don't see me wearing slutty clothes and giving your guys lapdances, right?
So give it up. I'm not interested. Taken guys doesn't amuse me. Just ...leave me be.
AND; respect your partners, ffs! Trust, aight?

Happily ever after.

2005-06-17T13:45:00.000+02:00

And ...all of a sudden, everyone is hitting at me at once. Well, uh, at least three boys. Haha. So, while I'm sitting, moping and whining, they all come online and start flirting. WTF? It saved my night, I can tell ^_^ Aww. It made me feel a lot less unattractive and boring :)
Well, perhaps I'm over-reacting, but it just felt ...like sunrise. And now I'm happy again. Yay!

Tired today. Want to sleeeeeeep, but I've got to work in three hours. Working 'til 1 am, then home to sleep and get up to work again at 8 am. Mrargh! Well now. I'm free after 2 pm tomorrow, so I can sleep then. And ...continue my sitting-by-computer.

Me + Sex = ???

2005-06-16T21:04:00.000+02:00

Really. I know this is kind of rude (or just indecent) but I really really want to have sex. I NEED IT, ffs! It's been app. 13 months, and ...none. Can you understand how it gets to me? How crappy and unattractive it makes me feel? I need someone to touch me, hug me, make me feel wanted, needed. (sure, perhaps it's desperate writing about this in my blog, but it's SO getting on my nerves I can't think properly)
I want to be seduced. I want it so bad I can't even stop thinking about it. Sex, sex, sex. I just want it to stop, I just want to feel like a regular, decent girl again. This me being randy is soooo horrible. I feel like a tramp, too, for just thinking about sex.
(and, yeah, btw; this doesn't mean anyone has the right to tell me ANYTHING; I still find it rude with people being frank about stuff like this to me, aight?)

Rawrr. And you know the worst part? IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! I'm to shy, and no one wants me. Story of my life. I don't have the guts to try to flirt with someone, and no one seems interested enough to take a chance and hint it to me. Blah. Yatta-yatta-yatta, just me being whiny tonight. ...but still... I do miss having a loving arm around me at night.

Had I been of a different kind, living in a different place perhaps I could get me some. But now I'm ME, living in a fawking small island where everyone knows everyone and stories spread like fire. ...and sometimes I just hate it so incredibly.

It isn't even funny.

Rip their fur, cut their skin with my knife.

2005-06-15T13:13:00.000+02:00

Took a walk last night. I live close by to an old military field, which lies right next to the see, and when I just couldn't take any more of this sitting by my computer, I just brake loose and ran off to my see. It helped, a whole lot. At first I was frightened, afraid that perhaps someone would jump me and rape me, but then I just thought "Heck, why would anyone be sittong out on these rocks hoping someone would pass by at night?"
I walked for an hour. It was a beautiful night, stars shining, the moon seeing its reflection in the ocean and the flowers smelling pretty. And it calmed me, just walking around, listening to Therion and being alone with my thougts.
I've got so many things to think of, things I don't even NEED to think of. So, I kinda cleaned up my mess. Rebooted, started all over again. And now ...I feel calmer, prettier. I feel more whole.
Just think what mother nature can do for you ^_^

Today I started cleaning up my place. After posting this, I will continue with my dishing and then I think I'll hand-wash some clothes too. I feel ...positive.
As it seems; Calm night at work tonight. Good! If that's the case, I'm going to write a letter to Elenaria and if I'm allowed to get off earlier perhaps I'll take another walk.

And, one other thing: I HATE having a good-looking ex. So, I need to find an even MORE good-looking new boyfriend. ...or not, haha. I don't care, really. It just pisses me off that he's so perfect, and that he's a pig. Nvrmnd.

"We like the moon
Cause it is close to us
We like the moon
But not as much as a spoon
Cause that's more use for eating soup
And a fork isnt very useful for that
Unless it got many vegetables
And you might be better of with a Chop-stick
Unlike the moonIt is up in the sky
It is very high
But not as high as maybe as a Dirgeribil or a zeppelin or lightbulbs
And maybe clouds
And puffins i think also maybe
They go quite high too
But maybe not as high as the moon
Cause the moon is very high

We like the moon
The moon is very useful everyone
Everybody likes the moon
It lights the sky up at night
And it lovley
And it makes the tide go and we like it
But not as much as cheeese
We like cheese and zeppelins
We really like them and we like moose and we like kelp
And we like deer and we like marmots
And we like all the fluffy animals
We really like the moon"

Playlist of the moment.

2005-06-14T21:58:00.000+02:00

The Ark - One of us is gonna die young
Talking Heads - Girls wanna play with the girls
Laibach - Maggie May
Weezer - Buddy Holly
Falconer - The clarion call
Storm - Lokk
Rammstein - Leichzeit
Psyclon Nine - Clinik
The Mavericks - Dance the night away
Eurythmics - Thorn in my side
De Lyckliga Kompisarna - Sagoland
Slaptones - Love comes easy

Komm zu mir.

2005-06-14T19:53:00.000+02:00

Allright-o.
Might as well brief you about my weekend in Stockholm, right?
Well, first and most; It was fun. Nadine and her mother always make me feel right at home, and all honor to them for that. They are really kind and nice people, just so that ya know ^_^
Except playing with Nadine, I went bowling and pool playing with to internet friends of mine. I lost bigtime in bowling, even though I ought to win, but at least I won the pool game! Yay! Like I've always said; I've got killer skills in pool. ^^ ...even though we somewhat happened to play at some kind of italian pool place, urgh. After listening to some weird "absolute italia" I don't think I can manage that kind of music ever again. ...even though I won, haha.
Right-o. So, after the pool playing we went to a pub, where I, uh, accidentially got somewhat ...drunkish. Like, very drunkish. Haha. Well, uh, let's just say I couldn't walk very well, neither sit very well. What I could do was burning things using the candle at our table. That was fun-fun. (Heh, I drank two screwdrivers and that was one and a half to much for me. Like I've always said: I can't handle my drinking that well.) All cred to Victor and Ville for not angrily deserting me in the middle of Stockholm while I was trying to stand straight and fool people that I wasn't drunk at all. (I've got some dizzy memories of our way home from the pub; me being carried over a crosswalk for and example...)
Saturday... Hang-over. Eurgh. Dizzy and feeling ill, but I managed to get over it. Yay!
We went to Gutter saturday night, a club at the Harley Davidson boat. Swell! I was dressed in my Poppin' Cherries (haha, that name!) corset, a vinyl skirt, net stockings with bows, a new pair of black hiheels and a somewhat low-cut shirt underneath. Nadine made the sweetest hair-do for me, and people said I looked a bit like Bree! (oh, the glamour, the glamour!) Our night out was nice, I enjoyed it all the time ^_^ (the only thing I didn't enjoy just as much, though, was almost seeing two ...um... not-so-sweet people having sex. I left that floor just in time.)

(btw, bowling in school uniform. ...not the brightest of ideas. >_>)

I want to go back to Stockholm.
But hey, LARP in two weeks and right after that my friend, the nazi bunny, will come visiting. Hopefully he'll bring his uniforms for me to see too ^_^
Mm... Uniforms. Nazi uniforms. (hey! I never said I wasn't weird!)

Too-de-loo.

Meow.

2005-06-14T16:23:00.000+02:00

...Hedningarna gets me in a better mood. Jolly.

Erase me.

2005-06-14T16:11:00.000+02:00

I totally loathe this day. It's horrible, and everything's gone fawk.
I began working at eight. Five past eight our cash machine broke down. It's all new, installed this thursday. So, we tried to get it to work again for two hours; then came our first costumers. When a few of them had paid, it turned out that they wanted to eat pizza after bowling. So, I had to get into the kitchen to prepare for their buffet. THEN, I happened to see that our brand new coffee machine (we got it YESTERDAY!) was broken - it was water all over the place. So, after working for two hours we've already noticed three things wrong.
Then it got worse. When I helped some peeps at the cashier, it turned out that it was at least 20 more people who wanted to eat. So, I panicked and called Pablo, who came right away to help me with the preparations. Then, it turned out that only 19 (and not 36, as I first thought) were going to eat, so he could go home again. When they came to eat, another four people ordered food at the same time. And I got so stressed up, I really just wanted to run home and cry under my covering.
And then I was all alone with the dishes from hell. All over the place; crowded with dirty plates and frying pans. And I really just wanted it to be an ordinary day, with answering the phone and taking care of customers.
(and sowwy-wowwy about the really stinky english of this post, but I'm just so tired and absent right now.)

This evening I think I'll just relax and watch "The Emperors new groove" or some episodes of Futurama.

Angelfuck.

2005-06-13T20:24:00.000+02:00

Yah, it's been a while. But hey, I'm still here, although a bit absent.
Home from Stockholm now, with a new pair of shoes in my luggage. One day I think I'll get all my shoes in one place and take their picture just to show you all of my small loved ones. And, oh, I really really want to recommend you all to get "party feet" from scholl. Totally wonderful! My feet love them, as do I.

On the other hand, I notice I'm being more and more interested and fascinated of Deseperate Housewives. This is what I want: http://www.dvdcraze.tv/products.php?iProductID=348&iCollectionID=80, gimme gimme? I really love Bree van de Kamp. She rules.
(aww, and people told me that I looked a bit like her this saturday! jolly ^^)

I'm broke. Totally and really. So, today I plundered my treasure chest to buy me some cheese and juice. Tomorrow I will take my last few money and buy bread, so I can eat this week. Then I've got a pile of stuff to pay, but that'll have to wait. I was told to expect getting some money from Leo this week allready, and otherwise I'll ask my parents for a small loan. (just for a week or two) (sometimes I'm just too stupid and naïve... and I thought I'll be fine living on my own.)
I need to get more discipline into my life. Like... No sitting by the computer unless I've cleaned the dishes and made the other rooms look nice. I'll try that tomorrow. Otherwise I'll soon be accompanied by random fluffy monsters, I think.

I'm getting just so tired of coca cola and candy. But that's all I've got for now. Argh.
Give me a boyfriend who can help me with my organizing, please?

Du riechst so gut.

2005-06-07T21:44:00.000+02:00

Ack! All of a sudden, I don't reallt feel like playing. I don't know... I feel more like... LARP:ing. We discussed LARP yesterday, booked tickets for the boat and planned our clothes, and I want more! Trying to reach Eric and Leo to make them sew with me, but they don't answer. Whine whine.

Going to Stockholm this thursday, won't come home until sunday evening.
Got hold of a new sofa today, btw. Pablo didn't want it anymore, so now I've changed my small pattered sofa to a big red one. Haha, now there isn't any space left at all in my room! ...aww.
As long as I can keep my chairs I'm happy.

Ack! ...LARP.

Bring me the W4T3RM3L0N!

2005-06-07T10:54:00.000+02:00

Well, yah. I suck bigtime at this. Updating my blog every day? Naww.
But, I'm doing my best! Really! And, also, I blame it all on WoW. Nevertheless, here I am. Writing. So, be happy and just read, aight?

The past few days...
I watched The Phantom of the Opera. I love it! The actors chosen are really grate. I love Christin Daaé, I love Carlotta, I love Vicomte dé Chagny. Love love love. And the clothes, the sets, everything! Sure, I sometimes got somewhat disturbed at some things in the singing, but not enough to even feel an eensy weensy disturbed at the movie, noooo sir-ee. Love!

And, also, my human priest Maegwyn is now lvl 18, 19-to-be. WoW! I can't say anything else than woooow. Love :D
Haha, okay, I know; I never socialize anymore, I don't answer mail or posts at helgon, I never appear at either msn or icq... But, just play with me, right? :D

Love. <3

She walks barefoot through the meadows, early in the morning every day.

2005-06-05T13:22:00.000+02:00

Okay, I'm sorry. I know that I've been neglecting everyone, including my blog. Aight yo. I've been stuck In WoW. Every waken free moment, I'm playing. I am addicted, but I like it. Eh, but, I totally see the problem.
I won't play more today, not until after work, unless it gets too late. For the moment, I'm going to take a shower, get dressed and tidy up a bit - my home looks like a mess.
Also, I need to buy food. I've been living on fruit, candy and coca cola for the past few days, which I know is not very good at all. So, tomorrow I will create and eat two whole meals.
I also have to fix that extra part for my sewing machine so I can get ready for Nadines graduation. Ack. No time left for playing :/ (I might even have to get social! Uh-oh! :D)

Eh. Nvrmnd.
Gotta go now, turn this little machine off.
See ya!

Girls, you've got to doo wop that thing!

2005-06-03T21:07:00.000+02:00

Yay yay hooray!
Hehe, it's been a whole lot of hours spended in front of my computer today. App. 6 hours, oops. Lvl:ed to lvl 12, yay! Hopefully I will get to 13 tonight :) Not thaaaaat much left. Perhaps around three hours playing ;)

The graduation makes me melancholy. Seriousely, I really really want to join, and it makes me sad knowing I actually can't.
But I sure am proud of my brother ^_^

Loot loot!

2005-06-03T10:19:00.000+02:00

Haha, I'm so totally hooked up on WoW! Seriousely; Played yesterday 'tween 2100-0230, slept 'til nine and played 900-1030 :D
Still lvl 9, although veeeeery soon lvl 10! Then I'll try some harder quests... Still I feel like such a noob. Haha :D N3rd, at least :)

Oh. I was supposed to do the dishes and clean my home today, but I want to play play play! At noon I've got to take a shower and dress up for my brother's graduation. ...that means I can play another hour! ;D

I'm stuck in it. :D

We've been together.

2005-06-03T02:18:00.000+02:00

Strange day.
Pablo's been acting more strange than ever - he danced with me!
Old teachers up playing bowling, and also; conversating. Leif and I also had the strangest conversation; About Diablo LoD! It turned out that he is a devoted single player! And totally into it, too. So, from now on, he REALLY has idol status by me ;)

Played WoW, created new char and lvled to 9. I think I will spend my free time tomorrow to play and lvl some more :)
Oh, another strange thing; I went to the store after work, and all of a sudden a strange girls starts talking to me! It turns out she's been to the same LARP as me, in the same group, and she recognized me! Hey! Cool! So, maybe I'll be able to go out tomorrow evening instead of sitting home alone. (otherwise I could either play WoW or watch The Phantom of the Opera - which I bought today, along with some cool wases, new phones for my mp3 and some thingies for my bro)

Tired, and my shoulders are acheing. Also; I've still got a period ache. Stop it, please? If i find time for it, I will bring my recipe to town tomorrow and get some more pills. Mm, Orudis - a friend in need!

Sleep tight!

Innocence proves nothing.

2005-06-02T00:55:00.000+02:00

Yay! Creating new characters at WoW, but I don't like to lvl them ;)
Creating is fun, though ^^ Began playing an undead priest, I think I'll continue with her another day. I had planned to play with Anders this evening, but it's "world down" at Argent Dawn, so we had to take a rain check. Planning to play tomorrow evening instead :)

I won 30 skull pearls at tradera. (got to quit that habit, and make it snappy!) I'm thinking of decorating cute thingies for my hair.

Btw; I didn't ache to death at work today. It paused while I was working, then came back when I got home after work. Well, at least that's something.
Work was ...awkward. I was clumsy and silly, and my customers didn't seem to feel comfortable with me as bartendress. Not good :/ I tried to joke and talk with them, but they seemed to try to ignore the clumsy bartendress... (for an example; I spilled a whole glass of cola over my shoes when I was supposed to hand it over to a customer) (oh, the shoes didn't get a stain!) (phew)

Perhaps go to bed... This netting without having anything else than blogging to do isn't THAT fun, allright. So. Tomorrow I've got to run a couple of errands before work (starts at noon) so I'll have to get up at nine. Early bird. ...which means I was supposed to be asleep by now ;)
Before sleeping, though; Reading Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. (and yah, I want to see the movie!)

Nightie night, loves.
Beware of the ghosts.

Highway to hell.

2005-06-01T15:44:00.000+02:00

I am so totally almost dead. I've got the worst period ache (is that what it's called? mensvärk?) of my entire life, and I don't feel as if I'm going to survive the day out. Seriousely. Two times I've been attacked by these stabbing pains, which makes me stumble and almost fall. I can't take this, I really can't. And I'm all out of pills. I've got ONE fawking whiny pill, Ipren 400, which will not help at all. I need my orudis, but I won't make it in time to the Pharmacy, so I'll have to try to live on anyway. My last resort is if I can talk Robban into closing up the bar for me, so I can sneak out of work as early as possible. It won't ache less if I sit at home, but at least I don't have to ache in public. ...this drives me crazy. I would like to spend the whole evening in almost-boiling water, and just dizz off. Okay, I'm whiny, I know.

Anyhoo. I won the complete series of Noir at Tradera. I've seen the first 13-14 episodes, and liked it. (And if it wasn't for Amanda, I wouldn't ever heard about it.)
I also ordered book 3 and 4 of From Far Away. I would have needed that today, allright.

I started to create my OWN sailor top, just to find out I don't have a foot for my sewing machine . Suxxors! I don't have time to go buy a new one until saturday, if even. Grr!
This is NOT my lucky day, I tell you.

Dust to lust.

2005-06-01T09:57:00.000+02:00

Argh! Fawking fawk! Seems like I payed to either someone not existing, or someone who craves double the pay. Eh, my sailor top, the one I keep telling you about? The girl who's selling it says she hasn't got the money yet (even though I made the transfer 20th of may) but when I check my bank account, the money IS missing. Where are they? And why? I don't know if she's tricking me, or if I made some stupid misstake while transferring. I think it's the last option, dunno if I can pay Handelsbanken from my account, actually. FFS! Argh!

Okay, change of topic: WoW! Played for two hours yesterday, made a new character at Argent Dawn, a supercute hunk warrior called Lucifiery. (teh n00best name, eh? ^^)
I'll post a screenshot of him here later, so y'all can see my new playboy :D

When I awoke, mom had once again visited my apartment while I was sleeping. I got three boxes of cleanwashed clothing in my hallway now, whee! But, uh, perhaps not the best of ideas, letting her come and go as she pleases? Or?

My brother graduates in two days. I totally envy him! I wanna, I wanna!

Huntress.

2005-05-31T22:13:00.000+02:00

I'm a fighter, not a lover. That's a mayor part of me. You see, when you are to easy to get, you're plain and boring. On the other hand; I suck at hunting. Totally. I'm to shy and unwilling to risk it all. So... You get my dilemma? Haha. ...ha.

Okay, this is totally lame. No wonder I'm still single ;)

Supersize me.

2005-05-31T19:39:00.000+02:00

Lazy cow. Didn't feel like cooking, so I went to Sibylla and picked up a hamburger. Well, at least I ate, ne?
I am still at it downloading stuff :) For the moment, the very beautiful voice of Billy Corgan and his Smashing Pumpkins. Seriousely, that guy is one hella hot fella :)~ (yah, it's true.)

ALLRIGHT. I'm kind of a nutcase for the moment. Most of all I feel like run naked in the rain, but I've got a slight feeling that wouldn't be too good. Or?

Playlist of the moment:
Queen - Crazy little thing called love
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
Poison - I hate every bone in your body but mine
Blind Guardian - Nightfall
Horrorpops - Psychobitches out of hell
Morning Musume - Peace! Peace!
Laibach - Tanz mit Laibach
Gene Pitney - She lets her hair down (early in the morning)
Unheilig - Komm zu mir

T3H CUT3ST!

2005-05-31T18:19:00.000+02:00

Luv luv!

Poserwhore.

2005-05-31T17:28:00.000+02:00

Me posing, yay yay!

Dance the night away.

2005-05-31T16:00:00.000+02:00

It's raining! I just love it. It's chilly, soft and wet, and I feel just like a kiddo again! Most of all I'd just want to splash around in the puddles, but a minus about being grown-up is knowing that yes, I WILL catch a cold and have to stay home from work = lesser salary. Eww. Dang!
Well, gotta stay well so I can go to Stockholm next week. Got my schedule full and I'm really looking forward to this stay! If only I could get my sailor top and sailor hat in time for my visit, otherwise I'll have to think up a new outfit. (well, I got loads of fun clothing, but I really really want to play the sailor pinup, aight?)

Got over a hundred of new song during the night, yay! New playlist! For the moment: Dance the night away - The Mavericks. Cute as fawk! ^_^ Makes my feet dance, at least ^_^

Haha, once again; The insane man from Chile (Pablo) has yet again tried to convince me to marry him ;) ("I'll leave my wife! No problem!") Lol :)

Oh, new tune: Independent Love Song - Scarlet. I love my new songs :)

Btw, strange thing that happened today; My grandmother (daddy's mother) came by and said hello. Eh? Nani? That wicked old bitch loathes my whole family (except my father) and never stops by at birthdays or other occasions. Well, uh, I got 500 SEK as a move-in-gift from her, which was really weird. I said thanks. No hugging, no emotions attached. She don't care, me neither. I have had a strange relationship to my dad's parents all of my life; The main issue is that grandmother don't like my mom at all. Well, that puts her on my list of people to dislike at once; Never ever even THINK of somehow insulting my mom, or anyone else in my family! Seriousely. It's like when I broke up with a girl who used to be one of my closest friends, and she started to nag about my family in her online diary; Stupid. Now there's now way that I'll ever want to talk to her again.
Well, back to the topic; When my grandfather was dying two years ago, I decided to visit him at the hospital with my older younger brother, but my mom told us that he probably wouldn't want to see us. Yay. After that, my grandmother's been even more absent. Really, I don't care. It just feels like hell when my father has to stick between us; It's mean to him that we don't like his parents. But it's their own fault.

Well, now I gotta do something else. Got some cd's by mail today; Coffinshakers, Nekromantix, Slaptones. ^^

Fawking finally!

2005-05-30T22:07:00.000+02:00

Allright! Guess what? I'm posting this from my home! At long last my beloved and longed for computer arrived! After years of nagging (or at least a couple of weeks!) he finally managed to bring it to me! But, sadly: All my pixxors (portraits of me, fun pixx, hentai, cute guys...) are lost. All my MST3k-movies are lost. All my anime (Azumanga Daoih, among others) is lost. WTF? Well, all of my music is still there, though, and that's what's most important for the moment. ...*whine*

Eric is what we in Sweden call "snel hest", for helping me putting all of the parts together. Kind of similiar with Largo, ne? 1337!

Okay... *happy*

The killing fields.

2005-05-29T08:36:00.000+02:00

It's killing me, allright. I'm so tired, so gawddamn tired. Slept app. 5 hours this night. Usually I sleep 8-9 hours, so I think you'll understand my status for the moment. Aww... I dreamt strange thingies, too. It ticks me off! I don't want to dream about the girls I used to hang with in school. There is a reason we split up after school...

What else?
Got to work five more hours today, then I'm free. So, I was thinking about taking a nap, do my dishes and then take a loooooong nice bath before I decide what to do with the rest of my day. We were talking about sewing. I'm going to try to stitch a bodice in leather, so that's my plan for the day. Unless I find my linen! In that case I'll try to make my shirt instead. Made some sketches at work the other night, and I like the way they turned out.

Btw, this, me writing in english, is good for me. Even though I'm not that great at it, it trains my english. So, yesterday, we got some english costumers in our hotel/hostel, and I could speak just fine with them, using good grammar and showed off a good vocabulary. Yay!

Ah, and ffs! Our ice cream-machine is somewhat broken, and I don't have a clue how to fix it. So, it beeps. And beeps. And beeps. And beeps for fawking eternity. Give it a break! Seriousely, I think I will turn into a lunatic if I have to listen to that anymore. Arrrrgh! I feel like killing some innocent bunnies.

Oh, and I ordered a hat yesterday! A hat for sailors, to go with my sailor top I bought at Tradera! (which hasn't arrived yet, whine whine. I payed it this sunday, and still it hasn't showed up...) So, sailor hat, sailor top and either a matching skirt or a matching pair of pants, and my new adorable hiheels, to go with red curly hair, red fingernails, vintage make up with deadly red lips. That's my new outfit ^_^ Thought of having it when I go to Stockholm in two weeks :) (Luuuuuuv!)

Also: I won "Boxing Helena" at Tradera. Finally! I can't wait to get it!

...no word yet about my computer. I'll ask my father to contact the guy AGAIN to ask him when it will be finished. Argh!

"Dotted with hearts" - Horrorpops

2005-05-28T08:54:00.000+02:00

I have lost my heart
To a boy who can't be mine
I have fallen in love, with no use.
I don't know how I came to be on this cloud
Thinking about your touch, makes me lose my ground
I want to be in your arms again
Holding hands and lever leave but...

All i can do is dream aboud you and me in never land
But all it is, a fantasy although it's heavenly
It's a teenage dream
All wrapped in pink and dotted with hearts

I day dream of, what might and could come
But then the truth creeps up on me
And I begin to cry
I wish we never met, then it wasn't so sad
And I'd stop thinking about you

All i can do is dream aboud you and me in never land
But all it is, a fantasy although it's heavenly
It's a teenage dream
All wrapped in pink and dotted with hearts

(I was walking down the beach honey
The moon is shining oh so bright
I'm looking at the stars
Thinking back on our last night
Ohh baby, we will forever be apart
I should have told you that we were never meant to be
I knew that from the very start
I'm sorry, I really am)

All i can do is dream aboud you and me in never land
But all it is, a fantasy although it's heavenly
It's a teenage dream
All wrapped in pink and dotted with hearts

Pissing me off.

2005-05-28T08:34:00.000+02:00

Allright, this is getting on my nerves! Why, oh why, can't I get my computer!? "There is some kind of problem". Well? Fix it! FFS! I can't pay my bills, I can't check my mail, I can't talk with friends not living on my island... Argh! I feel totally isolated, sitting in my apartment staring at my TV.
Urgh.

Yesterday was nice. Ingrid stayed over from the day before yesterday, and we went shopping for a while. I bought a darling green dress, which really set my hair colour :) (oh, oh, and in thursday, I bought the most darling shoes ever! Totally pinup! luuuuv!) When Ingrid had gone back to Eksta, I had a picknick with Eric and Leo in Almedalen. And after that, eating ice cream in the harbour, where we met Heidi! ^_^

At work now. Eaaaarly. Hey, I had to get up at seven, and started working at seven fifteen! (oh, it totally rocks living next door to work... *yawn*)

Gotta go.

Come, little children. (into a land of enchantment)

2005-05-22T11:39:00.000+02:00

I suck bigtime at this. Tss, keeping my blog up to date? Nah. Okay, I don't have internet at home, but ...I feel somewhat guilty not being able to update this blog at least once a day.
And such short entries too! Grr.

Haha, I didn't have much to say today. Just wanted to whine a bit ;)

Dye it black.

2005-05-20T14:30:00.000+02:00

So... At my parents house, cleaning out my room. What a mess! I can't believe I actually lived in that. It's a wonder the dust didn't eat me, I tell you that!
Now it's ...clean. Clean and empty. It echoes in there now ;)

About my apartment. I totally believed that I would be afraid of sleeping all alone, and that I would walk around scared all the time. Either I'm more grown up than that, or I've just kept myself busy moving in. So far, so good :) And I've got to tell you: I looooove my bath tub! It's bigger than normal, so I can really stay below water in it :) Now I've put candles on the side, so it's like a nice spa in there now ;) Except for my bath tub, my bath room sucks. Big time. It's ugly! I don't like it in there at all. My kitchen, on the other side... It's beautiful. I love it! Meow ^_^
I think I, in some strange way, believes that living in my apartment is like playing Sims ;) I feel just the same when I but stuff for my kitchen or bathroom that I do when I play Sims. I think I'm a bit weird ;)

Yesterday was my one-year-anniversary as a single. Haha, I didn't even realize that until Nadine asked me on the phone ;) Well, one year and I'm feeling good. I don't miss HIM, even though I sometimes miss SOMEONE. Erp, but we're not going there now ;)

Tomorrow: I'll compete in shooting! Yay! Then work, but hey, time moves fast sometimes.
Work today too, in two hours.

xxx

My rockabilly pinup, you're so tough.

2005-05-17T09:46:00.000+02:00

Argh. I don't like this, me not being able to update whenever I want to. I really hope I will recieve my computer soon, it makes me mad not having internet at home! I logged in to an online community yesterday, just to see that I've got 25 unanswered messages. Hey! Stop writing to me! ...so. I've got much to do online once I get there. Perhaps I will get my computer this week. I will ask daddy, so he can find out for me.
My phone is working, though! Plugged it in yesterday and immediately phoned home. Whee! Then my mom called me, proud of being the first caller.

After work today my granny are going to visit me. She's so sweet. I think she'll like my apartment. My little home ^-^

All aboard.

2005-05-16T12:48:00.000+02:00

Okay, I'm still moving.
I'm home at my parents home today, packing the last few things and paying some bills.
I still don't have any computer at home, and therefore no internet.
Hopefully I will be back on track this week.

Gotta go now.

When in deepest of darkness comes brighest of light.

2005-05-13T11:22:00.000+02:00

I've got blood in my throat. Been awake for 20 minutes, nosebleeding. Urgh. Not really my cup of tea, I daresay ;)
I'm so awfully tired today. My 12 hours working and sitting by the computer 'till almost 4 am wasn't that good; Now I'm totally worn out. BUT, I've still got loads and loads of thingies to pack. So, I'm just gonna post this and then start packing and start washing again. *sigh*

The worksman whos fixing my apartment called at nine am and told me my kitchen wallpaper had come to an end. Eh? So... I need to get some more = order from Sweden = wait another week until my kitchen is fully finished. Aww! Dang. It's never my lucky day! I had rather heard him say "Hiya! You can start moving in today! It's all done now!" instead.

Well... Pack.

By the way.

2005-05-12T23:18:00.000+02:00

Oh oh, oh! I forgot to tell: The old man from the other day (the one who kept nagging about the amount of beds in his room, yatta-yatta-yatta) called again today! Haha, I almost fell when I recognized his voice!
"Are you the girl I spoke to yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Okay. I just wondered about that thing you said, about me sharing the room with others..."

He kept asking strange questions until he seemed satisfied with my answers. I wonder if he'll call again tomorrow to ask some more?
I could've killed him. Argh! Seriousely; Why oh why did he happen to ME? I were almost afraid of answering the phone after that...

Baka baka baka baka baka.

Rubber nuns and leather monks.

2005-05-12T23:03:00.000+02:00

Just got home from work. 12 hours! I'm dying... Aww. My knees are gonna kill me :(
This day has been ...strange. First, pizza buffet for 22 kiddos. Then, nooooothing to do until seven, when we suddenly stood knee-deep in food orders. Dang! All at once! ...a busload of cute guys, though. Not all of them were cute, but at least three. Whee ^_^ That's the good thing of today ;)

Now I'm tired... But, gonna stay up a while more :) Can't be online for a week now, or something, so I gotta take my chance ;)

Boooored.

Do you remember baby? Last september. How you held me tight, each and every night...

2005-05-11T23:14:00.000+02:00

Oh yay! Okay, I found a new team to play in WH40k. Witch hunters! Oh, they're adorable! I just ordered some together with Leo, who ordered Daemon hunters. We will rock!

Slow day. I bought the martini glasses, and then the codex for Witch Hunters, and then went to work. But, eh, nothing to do in four hours. Yay...
Tomorrow I've got to make pizza for 22 persons at noon, and then I'll work till eight. Eww, I really don't want to.
I've moved out of my room and into the computer room. I found a spider in my bed, can't sleep there now! o_O And, I'm gonna clean all linen and pillows and stuff before I move, so I can't sleep there 'cause of that either.

I feel like I wanna fall in love. I mean, seriousely; I've even started to think that Rock Lee sure is a good guy, although ugly. Haha. Okay, he IS, but... I'm very lonely ;)

You never were, and you never will be mine.

2005-05-11T12:43:00.000+02:00

Newly awake. (It's that what it's called?)
I dreamt of something... I can't remember. Kind of a nightmare, though. I think I'm beginning to feel stress now, before my moving away from home. Well, STOP IT. Meow, better now ^^
Today I'm going to go buy the cutest martini glasses ever. I don't drink martinis, but the'll fit perfectly for my screwdrivers and other alkoholic drinkies. Yesterday I bought the cuuuuutest tea cups in town, aww, love at first sight! Three pink ones with jolly rogers, and one blue with vintage kitties. They were totally expensive, but so worth the cost! ...now I'm almost broke again. The martini glasses will be my last spendning before this weekend - after that I've got to buy food and fill my refrigerator! Yay! I'm a grown-up nu! ...kinda. ^D^

Gotta work in four hours. Heh; Work two hours, then go to a meeting about my apartment and the building, and then work some more hours. Well well... Money! Yay!

I checked out EBay yesterday, but believe it or not; I didn't find anything I really wanted! Am I cured, or is EBay a boring place? Either way; I'm proud of my self. *looking adult*

Okay... I just brushed my teeth, but I'm hungry. Darn. I could write some more, but then again; I will not. I have to pack more, I've got today, tomorrow evening and friday to pack; Saturday morning I'll start moving thingies. Yay! Yay!

I see the stalker in your eyes.

2005-05-10T23:59:00.000+02:00

My theme of the moment: Hardcore Superstar - Honey Tounge.
I just love this song! ^_^

("I said you must've dreamt / These words are heaven sent / And here she comes again / She's my honey tounge") It's so cute and ...catchy ;)

I hate paying my bills via internet. I always believe I do wrong, and then live in angst for a couple of weeks. If I don't recieve any angry letters, I did okay. Otherwise - Argh! I think I overreact to a lot of things, but who cares.
Okay... I've been reading a whole lot today. I love "It". Seriousely. I love the fact that I know what's going to happen. ...and that's a good thing. It's like "oooh, I'm almost there!" and "Ooooh, my favourite part!" and I read faster and faster just to get there. I love it. Love it, love it, love it. If you haven't read it yet, please do. I don't think you'll regret it. Ooh. <3

I registrated at this totally cute site: www.lolitasnap.com. Check it out! (I'm there as OtakuGrrl) It's full of cuuuute and adorable little lolis! I'm gonna start posing when I'm done with my moving - all of my clothing is in cardboard boxes for the moment, which makes me feel like a prisoner. I don't have anything to play with. No manga, no anime, no fun clothing, no books, no music... It's driving me fucking nuts!

Oh, btw, I'm in a better mood now. But, argh, I was really mad earlier! Not only did they continue asking me stupid questions, they also seemed to think that I was stupid when I couldn't answer their fucking retarded questions. Okay;
"Hey, could I rent a room for these and these days?"
"Sure. I've only got a room for six left, but you could have it. I just want you to know that there's a teeny-weeny risk that you'll have to share it with someone else, okay?"
"So... we'll be seven persons in that room?!"
"Eh? Seven?"
"Yeah, me and six others?"
"No, eh, you'll get the room for yourself, ok? And perhaps, maybe, you'll have to share it with one or two more, okay?"
"But you said it was six beds in that room?"
"Yeah, six beds. You get one of them, the other ones are free."
"But you said I'd have to share it with six others?"
"No, I didn't. I said-" And then yatta-yatta-yatta. I lost my temper very quick. I just wanted to yell at the stupid old man, but I managed to handle the call nicely after all. *proud*
And then, another stupid costumer. "I forgot my codes!" Argh, you don't need the codes if you check in before closing time! Baka, baka, baka! *changes to Baka Song*

That's more like it...

In a way, I think I'm in love. Dunno, dunno.

Forever shall the wolf in me desire the lamb in you.

2005-05-10T13:18:00.000+02:00

Okay... Wild shoppingspree at Tradera; I've bought a small Elvis bust, an Elizabeth Bathory bust, a cuuuuuute goth dolly and a pair of thigh highs. I also found the most adorable telephone, but it costed more than 500 swedish crowns = very expensive. It was a Darth Vader phone! For signal you could chose either Darth Vader's breathing or the Star Wars theme. Aww, the cutest thing!

I'm hungry. I ate a hamburger about an hour ago, but I'm hungry again. Urgh, don't wanna eaaaaat. Not now.
I'm a bit sad; I thought I was going to Hemse to see Ingrid perform tonight, but I can't find anyone willing to go with me, and I can't drive myself. So, stuck in Visby. Okay, I really need to pack, because I'll move this weekend, but... Aww. It's sad, aight?

At work. I want to go home. Well, no stress about tonight. Nothin' to do...
But... This bores me. We're 9 persons working here right now, and there's not as many customers.
I feel mad, too. I don't know why, but I really can't stand people today. Stop bugging me! Stop asking stupid questions! I'm not in the mood to be nice. Argh.

Make me lose my breath.

2005-05-09T14:27:00.000+02:00

...could it have been Thomas? I wonder...

Wild boars chasing me.

2005-05-09T13:52:00.000+02:00

Dreamt strange things. About... I don't know who. I've tried to figure it out, but I really can't. It was none of the classic guys, 'cause they parcipitated but in other roles. Ehm, okay. I was being adopted by this mysterious guy, after being chased by a wild boar. It was at some kind of LARP. So, I climbed up a barn to hide from the boar, and then they took the ladder from me. I was stuck at the "second floor" of the barn, and I cried out of the window to try to get someone to help me, help! The next thing I can remember I was being forced to lay down next to the guy, and he tried to stich something onto my hip with see-through-thread. It hurted, and felt like I was given electric shocks. Then I got hold of my cell phone, I tried to call A, but he didn't answer. So I called my uncle. It was some strange woman answering, and I told her to get my uncle to help me. She sounded like she thought I was some kind of mistress to my uncle - she didn't seem to know who I was. After a while my uncle arrived, and tried to help out, but it didn't work. Back to scratch... I tried to soften the guys heart by holding him tight to me while we tried to sleep, but it didn't seem to work. I think he was being pissed with me because I had said "no" to him a while earlier. Ouch.
Then the dream faded, and now I'm stuck trying to remember who it was. Grr, it pisses me off, now knowing whom I dream of. >_<

Should try to call Leo now, I think. We were thinking of playing a bit this evening. ^_^

He thrusts his fists against the posts, and still insists he sees the ghosts.

2005-05-09T00:33:00.000+02:00

I live through reading "It". Love in its form of a book. Some would call it a horror story, but in my eyes it's the most beautiful love story ever written. It makes me see the world through different eyes. Somehow, it makes the world a less horrifying place to live, even though it tells the horror of clowns. Eww, clowns. There is something about them that makes me suspicious and terrified. The lies the live. I've never trusted clowns. I don't like it when you can't read the emotions of people. All that make-up... They MUST hide something!
...but, I am most fascinated by the whole carnivale/circus-theme. I once saw a very short film, just showing off the classic freakshow people, and it made me stop everything I did just then and just ...watch in silence. The photo and the actors were very beautiful, and I felt swept away. When I was a child I sometimes dreamt about running away with a circus. Never, not ever, because I didn't like it at home. Just because it seemed like the greates adventure. ...and the fame, the fame! In my eyes as a child, being a circus artist was the greatest job. Entertainers have a special place in my heart. (oooh, Ingrid Bergman, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Clark Gable... People really -worthy- of the name "star")

Perhaps I should go to bed now. I seem to be all alone at the web for the moment, and I really want to read some more of "It" before sleeping. I'm free tomorrow, so we thought about going to the movies and see Kingdom of Heaven. Could be fun...

(may be innocent, may be sweet, ain't half as nice as rotting meat.)

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

2005-05-08T22:37:00.000+02:00

Just saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Beautiful! Aww. It made me think a whole lot of the breakup from my ex. If the option of erasing all memories of him had existed then, I don't think I would have chosed it. It's hard... All I've got of him now are memories hard to catch, but that's the way I decided to have it. I don't want to remember him, I don't want to remember all the good times we had, because that would leave me even more empty now. But I would never erase them fully. What I remember of him now is what I want to remember. I like to remember that I WAS happy with him, that I DID love him and that he made me feel complete. Now I've been alone for a year, and it has both made me stronger and made me weaker. I've got no one to tell me I'm beautiful, that I'm a good person, that I make someone feel complete. I've got no one to tell me he loves me, no one that can hide me in his arms when I'm overwhelmed of the ghosts of my past. (goth yatta-yatta-yatta, but it matters to ME.)
I don't always understand that I'm lonely. Most of the time I got other things to think about; my friends, my hobbies, my job... But, then, suddenly I'm fully awake in the middle of the night, and so utterly alone that I don't know what to do. And if I awoke from a nightmare, there is no one there to wipe away my tears and make me feel safe. Instead I have to lay staring at my ceiling in the dim light of my lamp.
I really want to find someone new, someone I can trust. There has been candidates, oh, believe me. But, in one way or another, it fails. For the moment A feels like the best choice, but no. There is to much standing between, most of all the fact that all the interest seems to lay with ME. ...people seem to think that I'm a good catch, but when it really matters they all run and hide. I don't accuse anyone of anything, 'cause most of the responsibility lies with me and my way of mistreating feelings, but... Stop running. Stop hiding.
...try to understand me and all that is me. I am not a strong person when it comes to feelings. Just... treat me well and make me feel loved, and I'll do anything for you. It's not hard. Stop running, stop hiding.

I just end up whining, as usual. This was supposed to be about the movie, and now look at me; whine whine whine, mope mope mope. But... It kind of eases things for me. Perhaps someone reads this and perhaps that someone has some advice for me. Eitherway writing it down gives me some distance to it.

You know what? I've only kissed two boys. Yeah, that's true.
People act like they think I've been fooling around, like they think that I feel good about myself. Well, guess what? You're wrong. In every aspect I'm a virgin. I don't have any experience, I don't know much about relationships (other than it hurts like hell finding out your partner been cheating on you). I don't know anything...

Okay, time to stop whining. Maybe this won't help me at all? Maybe it will make me feel even worse...
I just wonder when I will be brave enough to take care of my insecurities. When I actually WILL call anyone, or tell them "yes" when they ask me to hang out with them.
It's just... well... I wrote a few emails, and expected more than I got. So, I don't trust people. After being cheated on by the only person in the world I never expected to hurt me, I don't see a reason to trust anyone. I'm a weak whiner, true. ...somewhere deep inside I still DO have hope and trust left, thought. Naïve. That's my middle name. Dang.

Eh, okay, sorry for the whining. Perhaps I'll erase this post sometime. Or perhaps I won't.

It takes a fool to remain sane.

2005-05-08T16:31:00.000+02:00

Okay... Lame day at work today. Well, I'm not complaining, I got to quit after two hours work, instead of nine. ^^
Yesterday went well, me bartending with my mom. We got about fifty swedish crowns each in tips, and had a ball. We work really well together, and the customers seems to like the way we behave. Us being mother and daughter... we enjoy them.
I have strange workmates. The main pizza baker told me he loves me yesterday. I don't get it... He is very strange, acts almost crazy. It's only for fun, though, but the things he says are a bit insane. "I love you", "Give me a hug!", "If I could take pictures of you at work and sell them I would be rich by now!" and stuff like that. A good thing though is that when customers come on at me, stalk me at work and so on, he acts like a father for me and glare at people. That's good.
^^ Other than him, I work with three other guys from Chile. They're just as crazy as Pablo, which makes it very amusing to work together with them. Classic topics of conversation is me, hentai, strange customers and all the other people who work at the bowling alley. The staff boss is a very confused, but amusing, man. He always forgets everything, and always disappears at the strangest moments. ...as the saying goes: "To work at our bowling alley you have to be a whole lot insane." Well, I like it at work. We've had some people working there acting like total bitches, but they're not there now. The gang we've got now is totally cool, and they're like a family for me :) (the fact that one of my brothers, my mom and my dad also work there does not count ;))

I'm gonna go rent some movies for me and my mom in a while.

Today's song: "Fresh" - Basement Jaxx.

Playing with guns.

2005-05-07T16:07:00.000+02:00

Okay... Today started when my cat suddenly started a war against my room. With a *crash* I was suddenly fully awake, and realized that oh, there is nooo idea at all to try to get some more sleep, 'cuz I got to get up in ten minutes anyway. This was at 7.50 am this morning. Tired but in a good mood I went up, got some clothing on (the potion-clothes) and then Eric and Leo came. Urgh, early mornings... not my cup of tea.
It was a bit cold outside, but I survived. Yay!
Either beginner's luck, or I have a natural talent for shooting with guns. Last time I hit all but one shot, this time I missed the first ones (the gun was really heavy, argh, I'm not strong at all in my left arm!) but then I got some good hits. Fun!

Got to work this evening. We're having a party for the licensed bowlers and I'm in the bar with my mom. Could be fun, actually. We work fine together; We have a very good relationship.
No pizza this week. Good, my arm hurts after today's playsession. Urgh, why am I so fragile? Got a new bruise on my right arm, which makes my arm a bit hard to use naturally. Grr.

Thursday night we were at Leos, drinking and played a game we came up with. A drinking game. I lost. In ALL ways; I had the fewest points, and I was most drunk of us. Aww. I feel like a little girl, completely unable to take good care of myself. ...and in a week I will move to my own apartment. Heh, perhaps not the brightest idea...
I was there yesterday; My bedroom is bubblegum pink and cuuuute as can be. I really long to se my home fully finished and furnished! ...and then, will I become grown-up, or will I continue to act like a ten-year-old?

Latest obsession: Alucard in Castlevania and Sephiroth of Final Fantasy. Played neither game, but google helped me with some good pixxors. Whee ^^
Pixxors for my bathroom! (I've got the ugliest wallpapers ever, eww. BUT, boys like Kakashi-sensei, Klaha, Ryoki-kun, Sephiroth and Jack Sparrow will easily help cover them ^^) (...I've got a pile of 30 papers with pictures laying right next to me, whee ^_^,)

Okay... Gotta go. Work begins in 40 minutes, and I've got to find me a good pair of shoes and a cardigan that goes with my glittery spidery outfit.

See yas!